my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
