How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
