you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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