Please, let me fuck your mom
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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