I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
