someone threw a dead crab at me
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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