My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
