So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
