Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
