Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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