i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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