I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
