i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
