so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
