Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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