and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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