Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
