Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
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