i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
