I want to make a zoo with you.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
