Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Randomize
