I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
