If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
