Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
they call him Oral-B. enough said
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
