My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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