I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
