508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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