Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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