Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
