I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
