laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
