I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize