What did we do last night that was yellow?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
