WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
You did what with his pubic hair?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
