so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
that is very illegal...i love you.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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