I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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