I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
