Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
