remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
