I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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