Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
