don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
