Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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