if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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