Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
