I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
