Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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