Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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