so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
