The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
