I just cut my nipple shaving
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
