I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
