I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
We have started to decorate penises.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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