Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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