i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
