I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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