I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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