No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
