I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
