Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
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She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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