You can't motorboat a personality
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
