So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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