o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
