I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
