Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
