i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
