friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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