you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You peed on a flamingo?!?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
